SEX THERAPY/SEXUAL CONCERNS
-Why come to me for sexual concerns/issues? I am a CERTIFIED SEX THERAPY INFORMED PROFESSIONAL (CSTIP) and happy to help!
Sex…Let’s talk about it.
How much do we really talk about sex?
So many thoughts and feelings can come to mind at the sheer thought of talking about sex. Joy. Anxiety. Nervousness. Fear. Hope. Optimism. Shame. Guilt. Self-criticism. Hopelessness/despair. Avoidance. Anger. Sadness. Happiness. Just to name a few.
Why is this the case? There are so many different factors that influence how we think and feel about sex in general and sex specific to our relationship with ourself and potentially with a partner(s) or other people whom we decide to let into our life in a sexual manner.
I want to help explore with you what sexual concern/issue you are currently experiencing and how we can find you relief through increased understanding and expression of thoughts and feelings about sex, expression of what you want to change in your sexual life, and how we can support you in creating changes that enable you to get your sexual needs met.
Here is a preview of some topics that will help us unpack your sexual life in session and how we help you experience the change in thoughts, feelings, and actions/behaviors that will support you having a happier sexual life.
Family norms in communication
Growing up for you there were established norms (said or unsaid), expectations (said or unsaid), and beliefs (said or unsaid) within your family of origin with regard to sex.
Understanding how your family communicated verbally or non-verbally about sex is very important to understanding your own relationship to sex.
Norms regarding sex
One’s culture and one’s religion have norms (said or unsaid), expectations (said or unsaid), and beliefs (said or unsaid) about sex. Such as:
Sex is only for the purpose of procreation.
Sex cannot happen until marriage.
Sex is to be expressed openly and freely.
Sex and the expression of sex by an individual or group of individuals can lead to extreme violence and even in some cases death, if a person is going against a norm, expectation, or belief.
These are just some examples of how cultural and religion influence how you perceive how safe and permissible to experience sex in ways that you would like.
When it comes to sex, it is also important to consider these factors as well:
Gender role expectations
-What am I allowed to think, feel, and want with regard to sex because of my gender?
Societal expectations
-What does society tell me that I am allowed to think, feel, and want with regard to sex?
There is so much we can uncover together in this area and seek to understand how you feel about sex.
Sexual orientation/sexual identity
When someone says the term sexual orientation, they are referring to who you are sexually attracted to (Tammy Nelson, 2021)
These are the traditionally identified sexual orientations:
-Gay
-Lesbian
-Heterosexual (straight)
-Bisexual
Here are some more recently identified sexual orientations: (Tammy Nelson, 2021)
-Asexual – without sexual feelings
-Demisexual – needs emotional connection
-Bicurious – curious about same sex
-Mostly straight
-Pansexual – not limited to sex, gender, or gender identity
-Heteroflexible
-Aromantic – having little or no attraction romantic to anyone
-Skoliosexual – attracted to transexuals
Considerations about sexual orientations:
It is also important that a person understand that a sexual experience does not define one’s sexual orientation. (Tammy Nelson, 2021). This can be a concept that can feel confusing or difficult for a person to grasp.
Ex. If man 1 has sex with another man, this does not mean that man 1 has to identify as being gay – he could still consider himself straight.
The need to understand sexual orientation is pivotal in helping someone understand how to feel comfortable in their own skin and to help them build confidence in knowing exactly what they want and need when it comes to sex.
Defining Sexuality
We can also use therapy to help you understand your own experiences with sexuality. Here are some questions that immediately come to my mind when supporting you with your understanding of sexuality:
-When you think of the term sexuality, what thoughts immediately come to your mind?
What thoughts and feelings come to mind when you think about your own sexuality?
-You might have positive thoughts and memories. You might have feelings of shame or guilt. You might desire to explore your sexuality more. You may feel that trauma or a type of norm or expectation has stunted your ability to fully understand your sexuality.
All of these thoughts and feelings matter!! They help us move toward a more satisfying sex life.
Relationship with self
If you only take away a few concepts from this page or from the ability to work together, I want you to know this:
Helping you love yourself more and helping you understand what you desire out of sex and connections to others – can help you experience a more satisfying sex life.
Helping you understand your sexual wants and needs and expressing those wants and needs with yourself and others will help you experience more pleasure in your sex life.
Reach out when you are ready and let’s get started on helping you experience the changes you want in your sex life. I look forward to hearing from you! :)
**(Disclaimer: I recognize that sex and concepts related to sex can be very sensitive topics to talk about. Any use of language on this page that could be considered offensive is not intentional. Likewise, any lack of or brief use of written information on any of the above-mentioned topics on this page does not imply that the particular topic is not important or does not need to be discussed in further depth. All of these topics on this page and so many more topics relating to sex deserve to be explored as much as you would like).